Tag: motherhood

Properly Aligned

Kathie Phillips 2 Comments
Photo Credit: geoawesomeness.com
Photo Credit: geoawesomeness.com

One particular street in my neighborhood is extremely bumpy because of an abundant amount of potholes.  So many potholes in fact that a few years ago, my minivan’s alignment was out of whack.  You know – you let go of the steering wheel and the car drifts to the left or the right instead of going straight.

Ministry and life in general can be very bumpy and if those bumps aren’t addressed within a reasonable amount of time, we can be pulled in the wrong direction.  So how do we balance/align it all?

First, realize that life will seem out of balance/alignment at times.  Please feel free from feeling like you must have the ‘perfect’ life.  What is the ‘perfect’ life anyway?

Second, recognize when your life isn’t properly aligned.  I recognize this in my own life when

…I am easily irritated.

…I want to isolate myself from others.

…I complain a lot.  Too much of this, not enough of this, blah, blah blah.

…there is tension in my home & relationships because of the things listed above.

Third, ask God to help you.  James 1:5 (NLT) says, “If you need wisdom – if you want to know what God wants you to do – ask him, and he will gladly tell you.  He will not resent your asking.”  I keep a list of go-to scriptures that help me refocus (I posted a list here).

Fourth, take proactive steps to remedy the situation.  Here are some ways that I try to stay properly aligned:

  • As a wife…I try listening more than talking (after almost 19 years, I’m still working really hard on this one!).  I make time for time alone with my husband – we try to have regular date days and at least one weekend away each year.  I try to show him that he’s still my favorite guy on the planet – small gifts, a wink or smile from across the room, or watching sporting event with him (without asking too many questions!)  God blessed with a wonderful husband and friend & I want him to know it.
  • As a mom…I try to spend one-on-one time with both of my children regularly and hear what’s happening in their world – I really love that.  I give them my undivided attention when they are talking to me – I stop what I’m doing, look at them and listen really well.  I make time for fun with them – going to movies, out to eat, playing games, watching a TV show, cooking a meal – I just love being with them.  They are very busy these days (my son is a freshman in college and my daughter is a sophomore in high school) but that won’t stop me.  I have been blessed with two wonderful children and I am so thankful for them.
  • As a ministry leader…I thank God for my ministry and for allowing me to be part of His work.  My ‘career’ is really my calling, so I go to work (most days) with a smile and good attitude.  Why? Because I realize that it’s not all about me. Again, that is freeing.  I am blessed to do ministry with other capable leaders who share the ministry load.  Together, with God leading us, we serve children, families and volunteers each and every week.  Staying properly aligned also requires that I manage my time well, communicate clearly, delegate properly, mentor those under my leadership, spend time with other ministry leaders and take my days off – a properly-aligned leader leads better.
  • As a woman…I make time for me outside of the areas listed above.  Honestly, this is the area that suffers the most when my life isn’t properly aligned, so I have to be the most intentional in this area.  Sometimes I don’t spend enough time in God’s Word and prayer.  Sometimes, too much time passes before I see treasured friends.  Sometimes I don’t sleep well or eat well and sometimes my household responsibilities aren’t accomplished.  I don’t do things that fill ME up or bring ME pleasure.  What that means is that I have to make a plan and put these things on the calendar and do them regularly instead of thinking about them after the fact.  I reach out to friends to have coffee or a meal together to catch up.  I say ‘no’ to things to say ‘yes’ to taking care of me.  I choose a really pretty nail polish when I get my nails done.  I relish times to just do nothing other than catch up on a TV show or read a magazine or pin to Pinterest.  I splurge on something new for myself.  Kathie is a much better person when Kathie makes Kathie a priority.

Life gets bumpy but that means we have to hold on so that we stay on the right path…gives all new meaning to “Jesus take the wheel”, doesn’t it?!

What about you?  How do you stay properly aligned?

My New Season of Motherhood

Kathie Phillips 5 Comments

If you follow me on social media, then you know that for the past few weeks, our family has been busy as my son’s senior year of high school has come to an end – prom, awards ceremonies, special class activities, exams and graduation.  Allow me to briefly tell you about my son, Daniel.

Five months into my pregnancy, Lance & I found out we were having a son.  We were so very excited!  I could not wait to meet him!  Before he was born, I dreamed about what he’d look like (although my ultrasound pictures showed he favored Lance more than me!), what his personality would be like and what God would do in his life.  I loved him before I even knew him – kind of weird, but if you’re a mom, you know what I mean.

When I met my little boy after his birth, I was in love.  I couldn’t believe how beautiful he was.  I loved holding him and staring at him.  We were bonded for life.  As he grew through infancy and the toddler years, my sweet Daniel was one happy little boy.  He hardly ever cried, his personality was so laid back and calm, his eyes made my heart melt and he had the most adorable chubby cheeks that were perfect for a million kisses.  He was an ‘easy’ baby and preschooler.

During his early school years, he loved school and was enthusiastic about learning.  Things took a turn during his fourth grade year and for the next 4 years, his enthusiasm turned to academic struggle and many frustrating, tear-filled nights for him (and me).  But thankfully, that time didn’t change his personality.  His adolescent years were surprisingly pleasant. Even as a high-schooler, he still loved to plop down on my bed to talk.  To this day, I enjoy his company – he is kind, gentle and very funny.  He always makes me laugh.

Daniel has been fascinated with cars since he was a toddler – he has built a pretty impressive Hot Wheels collection over the years.  About a year and a half ago, he got his learner’s permit to drive a real car.  Good times driving around with a teenager driver!  He always handled the car well and was very comfortable driving, so I knew he’d be fine when it came time to get his driver’s license.  Well, earlier this spring, he obtained his driver’s license and let me tell ya…the first time he drove my car alone, I was a wreck!  I sat on my bed, weeping, feeling like my heart would not beat again until he texted me when he arrived at his destination.  All was well when I received that text and I could resume breathing – until I realized that he had to drive home alone later that evening.  Repeat crying and a stopped heart until I heard him pull up outside.  It took such an emotional toll on me that I went to bed soon after he arrived home!

As his mom, I have always wanted to protect him and his sister.  If they were with me, I knew they were safe.  But the moment that my son was operating a motor vehicle outside of my ‘protective arms’, I couldn’t deal with it.  God showed me that I was a control freak.  As long as I was in the car watching out for idiot drivers, Daniel was safe.  How could I protect him if he was driving alone?  I really needed to rely on God to keep a hedge of protection around him.

As my son enters a new season of life and I enter a new season of motherhood, I am reminded of a few things:

  • Lance & I are finished raising Daniel.  This year, the catchphrase around our house has been ‘moving from dependence to independence’.  We have tried to be very proactive about that.
  • Our role is now to advise and guide as Daniel needs.  We have raised him the best we could; now it’s time for him to make his own decisions.  It won’t always be easy seeing him find his own way but he has much to learn through wise – and unwise – choices.  We are trusting that his relationship with Christ and what we’ve taught him will help him to navigate those unchartered waters.
  • God will still hear my mama prayers.  Just because my son is now an adult doesn’t mean that my mama prayers will end.  My parents still pray daily for my siblings and me.  I will still keep my son lifted up in prayer to my Heavenly Father.

Daniel is such a great young man.  Not only do I love him…I like him.  I’m excited to see him enter this new season of life as a young adult.  I’m also excited for this new season of motherhood and all that I’ll learn.  Pray for this mama, friends!

 

My Thoughts on Milestones as a Mom and KidMin Leader

Kathie Phillips 4 Comments

When I became a mom 17 years ago, older women would say, “Cherish every moment.  They grow up very quickly.”  As a mom of young children, I honestly couldn’t fathom them growing up quickly.  I was trying to survive each day!  It felt like they’d be little forever and that I’d always be changing diapers, getting up during the night, picking up toys countless time a day, vacuuming up Cheerios, potty training and chasing after children who liked to run and explore everything!  These days, I find myself giving that same timeless and true advice to moms of young children, with the preface, “You might not believe this right now, but…”

This year has been a huge year of milestones for my children, who are now ages 17 and almost 14.  Milestones are nothing new; my children have hit many over the course of their young lives.  It’s only when there are a TON of milestones in one year that it’s get to be a bit overwhelming.  A few major milestones marked this year include:  learner’s permit, class ring/ring banquet, Prom, becoming a high school senior (my son) and yesterday, my daughter graduating from the 8th Grade.  I have had a wide range of emotions, that’s for sure!

I’ve viewed the events of this year through two lenses: my Mom lens and my KidMin leader lens.

As a Mom, I wonder, Have we, as their parents, done enough?  What could we have done differently?  Have we given them the tools to make their own decisions and live on their own?  The time really has gone by fast.  My mom has told me (and countless other women) about seasons of motherhood.  I would describe this season of motherhood as the preparing to launch season.  This particular season has found me being way more intentional in helping them to pray more purposefully, resolve relational conflict in healthy ways, be sure about what they believe and why, live out their faith courageously, manage their time, take care of their things and manage their money better.

As a KidMin leader, I wonder, How do we as leaders help parents navigate the many seasons of parenthood?  Do we mark and celebrate spiritual and life milestones with them?  Are we intentional as children transition from one area of ministry to another?  These questions have kept my KidMin leader working overtime lately and will become part of my focus for the upcoming ministry year.  It is important that my team and I recognize that parents (1) like to celebrate milestones in their children’s lives and (2) they need guidance on what to expect, support from their church and support from other parents going through a similar season and those who’ve already lived through those seasons.

I will be dusting off a few of my resources to give our team a good foundation to brainstorm from.  Some of the resources I’m turning to are:

The Legacy Path:  Discover Intentional Spiritual Parenting by Brian Haynes

*He also had a website, which you can check out here.

Take It Home:  Inspiration and Events to Help Parents Spiritually Transform Their Children by Mark Holmen

Parents, how are you marking milestones in your child’s life?

KidMin leaders, how is your ministry helping parents celebrate and navigate milestones and transitions?  What resources do you use?  I am looking for ideas to please share away!

Mother’s Day Prayer for Moms in Every Season of Motherhood

Kathie Phillips 4 Comments

Last Mother’s Day, I heard the most beautiful prayer for moms during our Mother’s Day worship service.  What made this prayer unique is that it covered moms in every season of motherhood as well as those who longed to be mothers.

The prayer was written and shared by Debbie Schmidt, our Pastor’s wife.  She has granted me permission to share it with all of my readers.  I have also placed a pdf copy under the “Free Resources”——> “Parents” ——> “Downloads” tab.  You can find it here.

I pray that it will be a blessing to you and the moms in your sphere of influence.  Enjoy!

Mother’s Day Prayer

Our good and loving God, we thank you today for mothers, for grandmothers, for great-grandmothers, for aunts and neighbors and every wise and kind woman you have put in our lives. We are grateful for the many ways they have nurtured us.

We pray today for the mothers in our midst and ask for your blessing on them.

We pray for expectant mothers and thank you for the joy and excitement of new life. We ask for your protection over these mothers and their babies.

We pray for mothers of infants, that you would give them endurance for the daily tasks of feeding, diapering and caring for their children. We pray that in the midst of these challenges you would give them times of joy and delight in the little ones you have brought into their lives.

We pray for mothers of young children, that they would have patience for the endless questions that come as young minds try to make sense of their world. Refresh them by your Spirit and help them model to their children the love they receive from you.

We pray for mothers of teenagers, that they would have the discernment to know when to speak and when to listen. Give them confidence that you are at work in their children and that you hold their children’s futures in your hands.

We pray for mothers of rebellious or wayward children, that as they pour out their grief to you, they would find hope and encouragement. Remind them of your love for their children, a love that exceeds even their own.

We pray for mothers who face special challenges, parenting their children alone or mothering children with disabilities or illnesses.  Give them an extra measure of grace. Surround them with a community that can support and love their children and them.

We pray for mothers who have lost children. Comfort them in their sorrow and use them in your kingdom to comfort others who grieve.

We pray for those who long to be mothers. Give them grace to receive the blessings of each day with joy and satisfy the desires of their hearts with good things.

We pray for our own mothers and ask your blessing upon them. Thank you for all the ways they have nurtured and loved us. Give us the words to express our gratitude to them.

Where our mothers have wounded or disappointed us, give us grace to forgive.

For every mother here who carries regret or guilt, we pray that you would meet her in that place of failure with forgiveness for the past and grace to move forward in your love.

Thank you, Lord, for the love of mothers. Their love feeds our souls and gives us a small glimpse of the overwhelming love you have for each of us.

In the name of your son, Jesus, Amen. 

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Ministry and Motherhood