7 Things to Remember When a Parent Expresses a Concern

When a parent expresses a concern

Months ago, I drove my niece to school and was very alarmed about her safety (and those of her classmates) at drop-off time.  Because of my concerns, I emailed the principal and the PTA President and eagerly awaited a response.  Three weeks later (yes, three weeks later), this is the exact response I received from the PTA President:

“I am not sure if you have received a response from the administration. Please feel free to attend our meeting this Thursday at 6 p.m. to discuss your concerns with drop off.”
As a former PTA President, I found this email appalling for so many reasons but I won’t go into all of that here.  In a nutshell, I found this to be a missed opportunity for the PTA President to properly invite me into a dialogue about the issue, among other things.  As a ministry leader, I found it equally appalling.  I would have never addressed a parent’s (or aunt’s!) concerns this way.
Here are a few things I was reminded of as a leader who communicates with parents who have expressed a concern:
Don’t brush it off.  When a parent takes the time to express a heartfelt concern in a non-confrontational way, address it.  Don’t ignore it or discount it.  So maybe the parent expressing the concern isn’t volunteering in the ministry.  In my opinion, it really doesn’t matter.  Addressing it – or not – speaks volumes to those we serve.
Take a deep breath if the concern is expressed harshly.  When a parent feels their child’s safety is at risk, emotions tend to run high.  So take a deep breath and hold off on returning that phone call, pressing “send” on that email, or spewing off a defensive response (but don’t wait three weeks).  Pray and ask God to give you the right words to say and the right attitude to say them.  Remember the words of Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
Respond in a timely fashion.  Personally, I felt that the three weeks that passed between my original email and the response was too long.  Not hearing back sooner, even acknowledging that the email had been received, was disappointing.  As a leader, aim to respond within 24-48 hours.
Listen to them.  What is the heart of the matter?  What are they really communicating?  When listening to a parent, listen without trying to come back on the defense.  Sure, we think we’re taking all of the necessary steps to keep our ministry safe but maybe there is something that isn’t on our radar.
Address them by name.  If you know me well, you know that nothing gets under my skin more than an email that doesn’t address me by name.  I felt a bit disrespected being addressed that way.  When addressing a parent’s concern, address them by name and, if meeting in person, look them in the eye when talking to them.
Value their opinion and invite them to be part of the next steps.  Believe it or not, not all of the policies and procedures we’ve implemented in our ministry have been ideas that I’ve come up with.  It’s been a collaborative effort.  If their concern is valid, invite them to be part of the process and work together to come up with a solution.  A few questions to get you started would include:
  • Is there an existing policy or procedure in place that is not being enforced?
  • Is there no existing policy or procedure in place but needs to be?
  • Is an existing policy or procedure in place but outdated?
  • Is there an existing policy or procedure in place but the parent doesn’t know it exists?

Thank them for coming to you.  Yes, it’s true that some parents nit-pick about every little detail and are quick to point out every single flaw in your ministry.  But for the most part, a parent that comes to me with a valid, heartfelt concern, speaks volumes to me.  I want to help them.  Why?  Because I value them and want their support.  Remember: a healthy ministry is a partnership between church and parents.

By keeping these things in mind, you will create a culture where parents are able to express their concerns, be heard and valued, and be a true partner in the ministry.

Keep the conversation going!  What tips do you have in handling parental concerns?  Share your ideas below!

{Product Review}: FamilyLife’s Passport2Purity Getaway Kit

I was so excited to take a look at FamilyLife’s Passport2Purity Getaway Kit.  While I no longer have preteens living at my house, I do work with preteens at church and am always on the lookout for resources for them, their parents and their leaders.
Your child begins the journey into adolescence in a world of sexting, bullying, online stalking and moral defiance.  Innocence is under attack, and you cannot win the battle with a single awkward talk or a strict set of rules.  The primary defense for your child is a strong relationship with you and with God.  FamilyLife developed Passport2Purity (P2P) to assist you in building heart-to-heart communication with your preteen while laying a foundation of purity that will prepare him or her for the turbulent years ahead.  Through the shared listening experience, object lessons and guided conversations of a P2P weekend getaway, you can set your son or daughter on a journey of moral integrity – and strengthen the bond between you.
It is designed to be used by a mother and daughter or a father and son when the child is a preteen.  It is suggested that the materials be completed over a weekend away from home, as the child may be more open to discussing the topics away from his or her normal environment.  If this isn’t possible, the material can be completed over a period of four or five weeks.
About the getaway kit:
(1) Tour Guide for the parent, (1) Travel Journal for the preteen including 25 follow-up devotions, and (8) CDs containing 5 sessions, scripture memory songs and downloadable MP3s:  Session 1: Beginning the Journey – Challenges, Traps, and Choices; Session 2: Running With The Herd – Friendships and Peer Pressure; Session 3: Ready For An Upgrade? – Changes in Him, Changes in Her; Session 4: Destination: Lé Pure – Setting Boundaries; Session 5: Crossing The Date Line – Seeing Dating Differently
Receive 25% off the getaway kit by using the promo code PASSPORT on their website.  
This promo code is good through 8/31/15.  
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S O C I A L • C O R N E R
 
 
 
Twitter: @FamilyLifeToday @DennisRainey @BarbaraRainey 
 
 

My Favorite #OC15 Tweets

Orange Conference 2015

I was not able to attend this year’s Orange Conference but I stayed plugged in through their live feed and social media posts.  Here are my favorite tweets from the conference:

Leadership

“You can only lead someone as far as you have gone yourself.”

“Time management hack: Look at your week and ask yourself “What 3 things have to happen for this week to be successful?”

“Saying yes to the wrong things is a momentum killer. Be willing to say no.”

“Language should be: • Relevant • Memorable • Repeatable • Effective.”

The first time you do something should be the worst time. Every other time you should be getting better at it.

“Never fight the battle of the “how to” until you have fought the battle of the value of why.”

“Courage is creating a stop doing list to do something better. Be intentional.”

“There’s an inexorable correlation between leadership and change.”

“You need 2 people in your life: 10 yrs ahead of you to show you potholes. 10 yrs behind to show you where the culture is heading.”

“You can’t fall in love with your method, you have to fall in love with your mission if you’re going to be an effective leader.”

“Change the world by investing in one life.”

“Celebrate what you want repeated.”

“Never apologize for having high standards for your leaders!”

“A healthy team culture, creates healthy church, which creates a healthy community.”

Volunteers

Church: we have the most important mission on the planet. Don’t apologize when asking 4 volunteers.”

“Few things are more demotivating to a volunteer than discovering staff didn’t set them up to succeed. Be organized.”

“Non-financial currencies to pay your volunteers: Gratitude, Attention, Trust, Empowerment, Respect.”

“Remind your volunteers often that even if they can’t always see it – they are making a difference.”

“Do we treat our volunteers well enough that they would recruit others to volunteer in our ministry?”

Taking Care of You

“If your only common ground with your spouse is your kids…they’re going to leave 1 day…then what?”

“Hustle is an act of FOCUS, not FRENZY.”

“Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. Passion fades. Your heart grows hard. Rest isn’t refuelling. Learn self-care, not self-medication.”

Family Ministry

“Parents don’t need something else to do. Give them an activity to do during times they all ready have with their kids.”

“For a blended family, attending church together 26 weeks a year is perfect attendance.”

“Reaching and keeping families at your church demands you plan and create systems so families can take next steps!”

“How to reach & keep families: Visitors will make a decision whether or not they will return within 7 sec of parking.”

“Only 18% of unchurched population fit into “traditional family” category. How does your strategy reach all families?”

“The church should be the BEST place that all parents can go to coached and equipped on becoming better parents.”

“One of the best gifts a church can give a kid or teen is to help parents have a thriving marriage.”

Connecting with Kids

“Kids will forget what you say, they will forget what you did, but kids will never forget how you made them feel.”

Next Gen Ministry

“Teenagers will never believe they are significant until you give them something significant to do.”

“The sooner you get students involved in ministry the more solid their relationship with Jesus becomes.”

You can find more tweets by searching the following hashtags: #OC15, #justaphase, #thinkorange.

Keep the conversation going!  Did you follow the conference online or attend the conference in person?  What were some of your favorite tweets or quotes?

Great Resources for Lent

This Wednesday, February 18th, is the first day of Lent, the 40-day period before Easter, is the time when we mark the time when Jesus is sent into the wilderness.  While there, He prayed and prepared for what was ahead of Him.  Likewise, the season of Lent can be presented to children as a time to pause, pray and prepare for what lies ahead of us.  Each year, we provide our church families with a family friendly devotional to encourage faith conversations at home during this time.

If you are looking for materials for your family or for yourself, here are a few I’d recommend.

FAMILY RESOURCES

A Sense of the Resurrection

Blogger Amanda White, who wrote the popular Advent devotional Truth in the Tinsel, has written a resource for Lent.  A Sense of the Resurrection contains 12 fun, hands-on, easy, meaningful activities to help your kids come face to face with the Easter story.

Sense of the resurrection image

 

Family Lenten Practices Calendar

This free downloadable calendar written by blogger Traci Smith shares either a prayer, service or fasting activity each day.  The activities can be adapted for children of all ages.  In addition, she offers an adult calendar for purchase.

lentenpracticescalendar20151Holy Week Devotional

According to the What’s In the Bible? website, this devotional contains an 8-day family Bible reading and devotional plan designed to guide your family into a deeper understanding of the days of Holy Week and prepare your hearts to celebrate on Resurrection Sunday!

Each day includes 1-2 short Bible readings and a conversation-starting discussion guide, as well as a coloring page that illustrates the day’s Bible story. The Holy Week Devotional Download Pack will engage your kids in discussion, prayer and creative expression in the week leading up to Easter.

Digital-Holy-Week-Devotional-1000_large

RESOURCES JUST FOR YOU

Bible Gateway

Bible Gateway offers a free devotional delivered straight to your inbox.  Get more details here.

Margaret Feinberg

Join author Margaret Feinberg as she reads through the Gospels this Lenten season.

margaret feinberg lent challenge 2015